Diving with the sharks

Diving with the sharks

I set my alarm for 4.30 AM, and was so excited that I kept getting up in the night and checking my watch suspiciously.  Finally when the alarm rang at 4.30, I jumped out of bed with enthusiasm – because I was going shark cage diving!

(Not my photo - from internet)

The Great white shark is one of nature’s most efficient predators, and till very recently, the only way one could have a close up and personal look at this magnificent animal in the wild was by jumping in the water and shouting ‘AAARRGHH SAVE  MEEEEEEEEE...’ shortly before becoming a tasty snack for the hungry shark.

But now they have figured out a convenient way for you to enjoy a sight of this apex predator and survive the experience and go back and boast about it – they lower a cage into the water by the side of the boat and the divers can go and sit inside the cage. Then the boat wala dumps some fish waste into the water to attract the sharks and when the shark comes sniffing around, they tie some fish heads to a rope and throw them in the water. When the shark tries to snap at the fish heads, they jerk the rope and pull it out of the sharks reach – as you might tease a dog by offering it a biscuit and pulling it away when the dog jumps for it. Substitute the image of the dog with a giant tiger with huge fangs and rippling muscles.

(not my photo - from internet) 

Anyway, I was up at 4.30 and congratulating myself for being the first guy to awaken on a cold winter morning, when I heard some voices and laughter from the street below; and when I looked down I saw that it was a bunch of my young fellow hostelites – they were just coming back from a night of partying and clubbing.

I suddenly felt very old.

I got ready and waited and finally at 5.30 a guy came to the door and asked ‘Shark cage diving’ In a deep voice and ushered me to the collection van. He was tall and muscular and looked like a hero of a Wilbur Smith novel. You could just imagine him being a rancher in wild Africa or an elephant hunter or a diamond prospector or any amount of heroic figures.

The bus was full of sleepy figures and as it was dark and misty outside, I also decided to rest my eyes for a minute – and when I opened them – I had been magically transported to the Shark Cage diving office at Gansbaai.

‘Wow – that was quick!’ I thought....but then I realised that I had been asleep for two hours and felt a little crushed.

We got out of the bus and went up to their office where they had a nice breakfast laid out. We were all hungry and loaded our plates with all kinds of stuff. We had just started tucking in when the organiser comes and says ‘Guys – you better chew your food very thoroughly – make it into a fine paste before you swallow it.’

‘Why?’ I asked thickly, my mouth full of ham sandwich.

‘Well, there’s a bit of a swell ,so it might be rough on the boat. So when you puke, it’s better to puke out a fine paste rather than big bits which might get stuck in your windpipe’

That caused a bit of a silence in the hall, as everyone looked at their plate and thought about all that was already inside and a lot of people quietly put their plate aside.

After everyone was through, the dive master gave us hi s instructions. He explained how the thing would work – the fish waste would be put into the water to attract the sharks and once the sharks came, they would lower the cage in the water and five people at a time would enter the cage. When the boat crew saw a shark they would shout ‘get down!’ and the divers should go underwater and they would see the shark clearly.

‘Absolutely no one will put their hands or legs outside the cage – no one will try to touch the shark. Got it?’

We nodded our heads solemnly. We liked our appendages attached. 

‘Everyone has to put on a wetsuit before getting into the water. Please don’t urinate in the wet suit – apart from causing the suit to stink, you will drive the sharks away as they don’t like the smell of human urine.’

OHO – I thought – That’s what it is! A survival mechanism! When you are scared you piss in your pants because it drives the sharks away. 

‘If you pee in your wet suit you clean it, and if you crap in your wetsuit you buy it! Also, another thing – the side of the boat on which we hang the cage is the shark side, and if you feel sick and want to puke then the other side is the sick side. Please do not puke in the cage, or in the toilets or from the top deck. Please do not try to hold it in either – feel free to puke on the sick side – there is no shame in it, it’s a normal human reaction.’

And with these encouraging words, we got on the ship and made way for the shark point.  It was a bit choppy on the way out, but nothing too bad. Once they came to their place, they started throwing the fish bits out to attract the sharks.

After an anxious wait, suddenly the cry went up ‘There! Look there!’

And underneath the water  I saw the familiar torpedo shape and triangular fin which I had seen a thousand times before in pictures and photos and movies!

The great white shark!

What a sight it was! It was at least 4-5 metres long – that’s 13 feet of killer shark! Wow!

It was as exciting as seeing a tiger on a safari!

(photo by fellow diver Kosmas Koumianos  - http://www.kosmaskoumianos.com)

‘Now do you believe us?’ the dive master asked in excitement ‘Now do you believe that there are great white sharks?’

‘There’s another one!’ the cry went up. Then a disappointed voice ‘That’s only about 3 metres...its only a baby.’

The boat crew chuckled. ‘You jump in then, and YOU tell him that he is a baby.’

They lowered the cage and everyone started to get changed into wet suits. Man, it was a real struggle to get into that wet suit. I had to huff and puff and stretch and pull and nearly dislocate several joints before I managed to get into that suit.

By that time, the first five divers had entered the cage. They confidently jumped into the water and shouted ‘AAAAARRRGHHHHHH’

‘What happened?’ I asked. ‘Did they see a shark?’

‘no no..’ the dive master chuckled ‘the water is very cold’

‘DOWN GUYS DOWN’ a crew member bawled, and we rushed to the side of the boat to see the shark come in.

‘WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!’ the divers screamed in joy as they came out of the water. ‘WHAT A SIGHT!’

‘DOWN DOWN DOWN’ and again all of them dipped their heads.

After a few minutes, the dive master swapped them out and it was my turn.

I eagerly jumped into the water and nearly had a cardiac arrest due to the shock of the cold water.

WHAT THE #@$*@#@! ARRGGHHHH...I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!  I CANT FEEL MY BALLS!

‘DOWN DOWN DOWN’ the crewman bawled and we dunked our heads under the freezing cold water. The cold cold water made my head ache, but I forgot everything as I stared at the huge creature in front of me.

It was massive. It was regal. It was a killer. It was the king of the sea.

That streamlined body, those rippling muscles, those teeth...I noticed anew – I knew it theoretically, but actually seeing it was something else – that it had two rows of teeth – one pointing outwards and one pointing inwards. Nothing caught in those teeth was going anywhere except inside the shark.

It was the same feeling you get when you see a wild tiger for the first time in a jungle – except of course that various parts of my body were shutting down due to the cold. Permanent sterility – here I come.

I came out of the water and gasped in air, and immediately came the stentorian shout –DOWN DOWN DOWN’  and I took a deep breath again and went down.

The shark had just swum lazily by, when it noticed the bag of fish heads – and in fraction of a second, it transformed from a quiet lazy swimmer to a killing machine! All muscles tightened and in less time than it takes to tell, it turned and zoomed towards the packet, mouth wide open showing all those teeth and coming straight at us.

The crewman pulled it away at the last moment, much to the irritation of the shark, who went off thinking WTF! and we surfaced and went WHOOOOO...WHAT A SIGHT, when the crew alerted us again ‘DOWN DOWN DOWN’

The shark was back and it was pissed! The crewman threw out the bag of fish heads again and the shark raced for it! No bullshit this time – it meant business. But again, the bag was pulled out but the shark couldn’t stop its forward momentum and came and crashed against the tank, right in front of my face!

We were less than 6 inches apart! I stared into that shark’s eyes at point blank range!

SHIT.

SHIT

SHIT

I almost let loose the natural shark repellent.

(photo by fellow diver Kosmas Koumianos  - http://www.kosmaskoumianos.com)

Nothing happened – the cage held, and the shark swam away bemused. But what a feeling it was! I burst upwards and screamed out WOOO HOOO as everyone applauded.

 It was the ultimate sighting.

‘You guys don’t know how lucky you are.’ The dive master said to us on the way back. ‘the weather, the lighting, the shark experience – it was the best we have had in months.’

No kidding, I said. It was awesome.

‘By the way ...’ the dive master asked as we were leaving. ‘How come you were not scared? I have seen so many people, and they would have shit their pants, but you were quite calm. How come?’

I shrugged.

‘Ah. The Shark was OK.....but not a patch on my wife. You should see her when she is in a temper.’ 

(this one by me ;0) 

The Wine tour

I love wine. I love it like I love Cricket.

Just like cricket, my interaction with it consists of reading about it than actually experiencing it. 

I may not be able to bowl a wicked bouncer or smash a ball for six, but by golly – I can sure talk about it. I can talk about with knowledge and passion and emotion and ....well, I can talk a lot about it, but haven’t touched a bat or ball for ages.

Similarly, I have read a lot about wine – I have read stories based on wine, loved characters who talk about wine, realised that the simplest way to show that a character is upper class and erudite is to show him having a deep knowledge of wine. I read about types of wine – cabernet sauvignon, and merlot and pinot noir and all that, and can talk glibly about tannins and grape varieties and how ironic it is that the famous Shiraz grape comes from a town in Iraq where it is probably illegal to make, drink or even think about wine, etc etc.

But actually drinking the stuff – not so much. 

I experimented as much as I could afford with various types of wines – but that was  a short lived experiment during my forced bachelorhood.

After the return of She-who-must-be-obeyed  my home wine drinking came to a screeching halt under her incandescent eye.  Trying to get friends to drink wine resulted only in incredulous looks.  Trying to make friends with people who were already wine drinkers got me even more incredulous looks.

She-who-must-be-obeyed sneered at my attempts to drink wine and grandly announced that she was sending me on a wine tour in South Africa.

 ‘Go and drink wine, you drunken sot.’ She said as she booked the tour ‘lower yourself to the level of the beasts in the field if you wish.’

‘What nonsense.’ I said, stung. ‘I will have you know that wine is a thing of great culture.’

‘The only way you will have culture in you is when you eat some yoghurt re!’ she retorted.

‘Anyway, the tiny tot has exams till then, so I can’t move anywhere – so you go a couple of days earlier and do all these things that I am not interested in.’

OK, I thought – it’s a good idea to keep her away from wine makers. She will sneer at them so much that they will get all dispirited and depressed and commit suicide or something and the whole of South African wine industry will be affected and it will be all my fault.

The thing about wine is that it is a beautiful and nuanced drink, and it is such fun to write about.

‘This wine has a deep straw colour with hints of lime green on the rim. The nose is a complex melange of tropical fruits, such as guava and papayas with greener Sauvignon blanc aromas such as asparagus and lemon grass. The flavours are rich and full and mirror the aromas on the nose. This wine is mouth filling with an apple texture, a slight grip on the finish and a lingering crisp aftertaste.’

‘She’ read this with a scowl  ‘Saala – is this wine or a fruit cocktail?’

This one is even better, I said – showing her the description of the Chardonnay   ‘There is an abundance of fresh fruit aromas on the nose; ripe honeydew melon, pineapple, peach and citrus fruit with a hint of toasted oak. The palate is fresh and fruit driven with a creamy mild palate, a hint of toast on the finish with a long zesty aftertaste.’

Would the writer be so passionate when writing about the actual fruit instead of the wine? I wondered.

This same writer must be the guy whom all the Indian restaurants employ when writing their fancy menus. A guy who can translate dal chaawal into ‘A delectable preparation of the finest golden lentils from central India, mixed with the aromatic  jasmine-white fluffy long grains of the finest rice from Kerala topped with shiny salt crystals from the romantic lands of Kutch.’

So the big day arrived -  and the very first day in south Africa, I was picked up at the hostel by a sweet lady who was our guide. I was the first person she picked up, and she went about the town picking up the rest of the group – an Indo-Canadian, A Scotswoman, a couple of guys from Ivory coast, a bunch of expat students from Cape university.

She started by taking us through the cellar and the factory and telling us how wine is made, but very soon took us to a table and started plying us with wine.We started off with a couple of Champagnes, then some white wines, then some red wines and then ended with some sweet wines.

‘This is a cabernet sauvignon’ she would say, pouring a little bit of wine into each glass . ‘It is a very young wine, bottled in 2013 and has top notes of jasmine, peach and whatever’  and we would all drink and say ‘hmm hmm’ and swirl the wine in our mouth and get amazed at the wonderful taste.

 It sounds like a load of cock when you hear about it – but you can actually get the various tastes that they are talking about. And when you think that these differing tastes were brought about without any external agents – purely through the fermentation of grapes – it’s bloody amazing! You have to try it to get it..

 To quote from the movie ‘Sideways’ – ‘I like to think about the life of wine...how it’s like a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it’s an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I’d opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it’s constantly evolving and gaining complexity...and it tastes so fucking good!’

I could actually feel the difference between each wine and appreciate the qualities of different types of wine.

At first.

After the third winery, they were all tasting the same to me and we were all going HAHAHAHA and HOHOHOHOHO and slapping each other on the back. The ancient romans used to say ‘In Vino Veritas’ – In wine there is truth, but we can also say – ‘In Vino Companis’ – where there is wine, there is good companionship.

 The wine was excellent, the wineries were beautiful, the scenery of the wine country was simply outstanding, and the group was very friendly  - what more can one ask for?  We had a fantastic lunch at a winery– I had a Cape malay dish called ‘Bobotie’ – which was a sweet and spicy mince meat dish which was absolutely smashing.

At the last winery, there was also a cheese tasting, where we pigged out on different kinds of cheese -  from the fresh Feta cheese at one end ( which tasted like a very salty paneer) to an old blue cheese at the other end (which smelt and tasted like disgusting old socks) but had some truly delicious ones in the middle – one sweet fruity one which tasted as good as cheesecake and a couple of spicy ones which were simply yum.

At the end of it, she dropped us back at our hostels – and as I was the first to be picked up, I was the last to be dropped off. I didn't mind it at all as it gave me a chance to see Cape Town.

As she dropped me off, she called out to me and I put my hand in my pocked as I thought she was asking for a tip...

but it turned out to be quite the reverse!

‘As a reward for your patience, I would like to give you a present’ she said, and handed me a bottle of wine. ‘Please enjoy this with your family.’

I was speechless, and quite touched. What a lovely gesture.

‘Thanks.’ I said ‘Thanks a lot’  

And I truly meant it.