The most expensive oyster in the world

After Dubai, the next phase of the trip started – Spain!

Hola Espana!

I took a cab to Dubai airport and thought that I would breeze through check in, as I had already web checked in online and all I had to do was a baggage drop. But no – the Emirates girl wagged a finger at me and pointed me to a long long line of large expensive suitcases with a few humans sprinkled between them.

‘What shit’ I thought – this line is longer than the normal check in line. I thought of dumping this line and going off to look for the automatic baggage drop or even a normal check in line, but the Emirates girl glared at me, and she reminded me so much of an old school teacher that I quietly stood in line for 15 minutes to drop off my baggage. 

As I continued to the departure area, I saw that there was another bank of baggage drop counters a little ahead, and they were all empty, and the staff was sitting jobless and frustrated. I cursed that Emirates school teacher under my breath and went on to the security check. The security check in India was a fucking nightmare, because my bag was a huge collection of electronics – 2 cameras, 1 laptop, 1 bluetooth speaker, 1 detatchable keyboard, 1 Wacom tablet – and 6 chargers of various types  - and they made me take out all of them. Here it was not so bad, but it was not as smooth as last time.

I had hoped to chill in Duty free or at least have a coffee to finish off my Dhirams, but the bloody airport is so big that by the time I negotiated the train and the elevator and the escalator, it was already time to board.

That flight was the best flight experience I ever  had!  I was severely sleep deprived over the last 8 days and crashed as soon as I sat down. I woke up after a relaxing sleep just as they were serving drinks, so that was the most pleasing awakening ever. I took 2  of those  tiny bottles of wine with lunch, and 2 bottles after lunch and finished it off with a gin – so that by the time we landed in Barcelona, I was nicely smashed and feeling no pain.

Clearing Barcelona immigration was the easiest immigration ever!  The line was moving very fast, and I was still flying. When greeted the immigration officer with a loud and cheerful ‘Hola Senor!’, he took one look me and decided that I was just the kind of fellow Spain needed -Drunk and Cheerful. Thump thump and I was in Spain. My bag was the last to arrive, but I was still happy, having discovered that they give 15 min free internet at the airport. Wheeee.

I went  off to the hotel and checked in, relaxed and checked out the famous ‘la Ramblas’ street in Barcelona – which is basically a long long tourist trap of  a road, lined with eateries and bars and stalls selling souvenirs and touristeria. 

The next day, She who must be obeyed arrived, and that was the end of my bachelor happiness.  Peace and tranquillity fled out of the window, scared away by a waterfall of noise.

‘She’ was curious about La Rambles, so we went off for another walk. One look at it and she agreed with my opinion about it being a long tourist trap, and we went off looking for the Barcelona cathedral. It was closed for the night of course, but we went there to enjoy the lighting, and got an unexpected bonus – a trained opera singer singing in front of the cathedral.  It was so atmospheric – the beautiful gothic architecture of the cathedral, the yellow lighting and the shadows, the ancient stone pathway – and this lady with the remarkable voice singing away.

The next day we again went to La Rambles, because we wanted to check out the remarkable market  - Mercato de la  Boqueria. It was an amazing place – it was basically a bazaar selling meats, veggies and fruits – and what quality of produce! I went around the place with my tongue hanging out. The meat guys were selling the best of preserved meat, Iberian hams, huge collections of sausages of various sorts, a whole ship load of all kinds of fish and creepy crawlies from the seas, the freshest fruit and veggies that you could ever see.

 I was in food lust

It was clean and neat, with no flies and with minimal smell – (as far removed from Indian bazaars and Crawford market as you can get)  but was not soulless like a department store either. It was a real live bazaar (more for tourists than for locals I suppose, but that was OK.) with shop keepers selling ready to eat bites as well as grocery size portions. The fruiterers were selling cut fruits, fruit juices, chocolate covered strawberries (YUM!!), the meat guys were selling mixed sausages, small meat bites etc, and the fish guys were selling prawns and shellfish and oysters and sea food salads.

When I saw the oysters, my eyes lit up!

OYSTERS! OYSTERS! OYSTERS!  Yoo hoo! I had tried oysters in Australia and had loved them!  I tried them cooked in various preparations, but came to the conclusion that the best way to have them was raw. The guy shucks it and gives it to you – you add a drop of lemon and a drop of Tabasco and slurp it into your mouth and YUM – its a party in your mouth.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to find oysters after that in India, so I was really excited to see a bank of oysters in one of the stalls.

I took off my fancy goggles ( Expensive Maui Jim – light as a feather and blocks UV light...I had bought it just a couple of months back for my Rajasthan ride) and hung them in my shirt front, rubbed my hands together and went to the stall. 2 euros per oyster....hmmm....bit expensive, but its OK. Not too bad.  I nodded to the lady and gave her a 2 euro coin, and she shucked an oyster and handed it to me. 

I looked at it reverently and looked at ‘She’ – who merely looked repulsed. She cant stand fish in any form, the thought of eating raw fish is completely beyond her understanding. I smirked at her, added the magic drops of lime juice and Tabasco, and slurped the oyster into my mouth.

Magic.

The smooth, cold flesh of the oyster, the salt taste of the brine, the sour of the lemon and the acidic bite of the Tabasco combined to form an awesome feeling in my mouth, and when you then bite into the flesh, the whole thing just explodes into a maelstrom of taste. WOO HOO.

It was like a taste version of a glorious orchestra – first the violin, then the trombone, then the flute and then the whole combining into a glorious symphony

I was so overwhelmed, I started dancing, I jumped up and down, I jiggled and wiggled and still I felt like expressing my emotion more vigorously, so I pounded my chest like King Kong.

DHAM! DHAM!

CRACCKKK

Oh shit.

I looked down to see that I had pounded my sun glasses by mistake, and it had died of shock. I picked up the remains from the floor and looked up to see ‘She’ convulsed in laughter. She was absolutely rolling on the floor in her mirth, weeping tears of laughter as she saw me sadly holding the dead body of my glares in my hands.

Some people have no sense of decency I tell you.....laughing in the presence of bereavement.

I put the glasses away with dignity.  If you add the cost of the glasses to the cost of the Oyster, then it would definitely be the most expensive oyster in the world.

Oh well, there was nothing anybody could do now.

Only one thing to do – I marched up the counter and said ‘Senora....one more Oyster, por favor.’